Your Highness, please allow me this small contribution.
No, I cannot accept them.
Think what they could do for your cause.
Those pearls would mean freedom for my people...
-... but I will not take them. -Please!
These could save the lives of many men.
My countrymen are proud.
They'd die rather than let me accept charity.
Then think of the lives of the women, the mothers-
The women fight alongside the men.
They are also too proud to accept charity.
Then consider the lives of the children. The innocent children.
But, for the children...
She's the blond in the blue sequined dress.
Extremely rich...
...very married, eminently corruptible...
...and a willing infidel.
Perfect.
Monsieur Andre, go see what you can get for this.
Not the royal ring, Your Highness!
Do you want the world to know?
Excuse me. Is that man actually royalty?
-No, madame. -You called him Your Highness.
It was a faux pas. Forget it.
You can trust me, I won't tell.
I am the police chief of Beaumont sur Mer.
Why do Americans think they can buy anyone?
I'm so sorry.
-I've caused the prince enough- -Prince?
He sounds like he's in trouble. Perhaps I can help.
If you want to help, forget everything you saw and heard.
Forget the very existence of that brilliant, extraordinary man...
...of destiny.
Your Highness?
Don't be alarmed. I can be trusted.
-Are you one of my subjects? -No, I'm an American.
Fanny Eubanks of Omaha.
If you're in trouble, and if I can help-
Thank you. But I cannot accept.
You've risked too much just in speaking to me.
I still want to help.
You must understand.
I have powerful enemies. They may be watching-
My God, you're attractive.
It's late.
I must go.
-Has he left? -Yes, just a moment ago.
Good.
Please?
Tell me where he lives.
-I must warn you. -He told me he has powerful enemies.
There may also be an emotional risk.
His Highness has been a widower for five years.
For five years?
Please, Your Highness.
Fanny...
...the freedom fighters thank you.
This is for the overhead.
This goes to you, Arthur.
This goes to you, Andre.
This goes to me.
It's time to go to Zurich.
Excuse me.
-May I sit here, please? -If you like.
Thank you.
Good evening, sir.
Would you like to see the menu?
I'm starving. Really starving.
Prices!
I'll just have some water.
-Water? -Yes.
Water? But you seemed so hungry.
I'm saving my money for something special.
-My mother. -Your mother?
Not really my mother. My grandmother.
But she raised me.
My real parents didn't want me.
I'm sorry.
But my grandmother is a wonderful woman.
She has a laugh that can make birds sing.
She's been quite ill lately.
The hospital bills have been adding up.
I just want to do my share.
It's tough for me because I was never good with money.
I take what the Red Cross pays me, and give it back to them.
But I am going to help my Gram-Gram.
She is the one who taught me...
...it is better to be truthful and good...
...than to not.
Waiter!
-What are you doing? -Waiter.
-Give this man whatever he wants. -I can't let you-
Nonsense!
I'll have a double turkey sandwich on rye...
...a large knockwurst, potato chips...
...chocolate milk and two beers. You want one? Three beers.
Thank you.
Forgot I had a first-class ticket.
-That bother you? -No.
I overheard your conversation in the dining car.
My condolences to your grandmother.
-Right. -Didn't you say she was ill?
I say what they want to hear to get what I want.
Rather a shabby trick, isn't it?
You have a lot to learn about women.
I'm afraid I am a bit naive when it comes to the weaker sex.
Freddy Benson.
And you are?
Lawrence Jamieson.
You're married, aren't you?
You can tell?
Listen.
We're the weaker sex. Men don't live as long as women.
We get more heart attacks, strokes and prostate trouble.
I say, it's time for a change.
I say, let them give us money.
Let's live off them for a while.
That probably shocks you, right?
It's rather a revolutionary thought.
Do you think it's possible?
Look what I did in the dining car!
She gave me 100 francs. That's twenty bucks!
Do you know what it's like to take a woman for $20?
No, I don't. I'm afraid it's out of my class.
What?
Too bad. We could've had a blast on the Riviera.
You're headed for the Riviera?
There's a little town there crawling with rich women.
And what town is that?
Beaumont sur Mer.
Beaumont sur Mer?
You've been misinformed.
Beaumont used to be lively. It's been taken over by retired couples.
-Quite dead. -Are you sure?
Yes, I live there.
I'm considered the town's playboy.
The social activity is on the Italian Riviera.
Portofino.
It doesn't hurt to check it out. Some sleepy towns really pay off.
Would you excuse me?
I have to phone my wife and children.
To let them know when I'm arriving.
They really got you on a leash.
Afraid so.
Well, here we are.
Older, retired couples?
-You have a ride into town? -Yes.
You can give me a lift.
-You have a room? -I never make reservations.
Is this train going to Portofino?
Yes, it is. But we're getting off.
We're getting off, right?
-How far is Portofino? -Portofino?
It's about 170 kilometers. I live there.
-No. -Yes.
Stay with me. You can go to Portofino later.
I'd love to, but my grandmother is there.
Your grandmother is in Portofino?
Yes. Actually, she's quite ill.
Good luck. My best to your grandmother.
I hope her health improves. Ciao.
Your call didn't give me much time.
Marion was perfect. Make sure she gets back all right.
-May I ask why she was necessary? -I needed a decoy.
This idiot sharing my compartment fancied himself a player.
Said he was going to hunt in Beaumont sur Mer.
Monsieur Lawrence, you can dismiss such amateurs.
-Surely he was no match for you. -You can't be too careful.
A poacher who shoots at rabbits may scare big game away.
Hey, Lawrence, listen to this.
"A clever young American con artist, nicknamed The Jackal...
...has been working Western Europe. "
If he's in the papers, how clever can he be?
To business.
Krista Knudson.
Widow of Lars Knudson, the Danish match king.
She left the Excelsior Hotel in Genoa at 0740 hours this morning...
...in a white Ferrari.
She should be arriving at approximately...
Here she is now.
-I'd like to help your grandmother. -Oh, no.
-I've got some money. -I wouldn't accept it.
That's strange. There's a young man with her.
-Please, I insist. I insist. -I'll pay you back.
-The poacher? -Yes.
And he's no longer satisfied with rabbits.
Monsieur Police Inspector...
...can you arrange something for me?
I'm gonna pay you back. I promise.
The usual?
Bonjour.
Monsieur?
Merci.
Big pose! We can do something like this, okay?
All right, here we go.
Two more. Two more. How much is that?
Have you seen enough, Mrs. Knudsen?
That money was for his grandmother's operation!
Here we go!
He is a confidence man. Will madame sign the complaint?
Gladly.
I didn't steal any money. She gave it to me!
She filed a complaint.
She caught me with another woman. You're French, you understand.
To be with another woman is French.
To be caught, that is American.
How am I gonna get out of here?
That's very difficult. The charge is serious.
You are a vagrant, an unknown.
I'm not a vagrant! This is my point!
I know somebody here. I met him on a train. His name is...
His name is...
James... No.
His name is...
James Josephson. No, no!
James Lawrence. Lawrence. Lawrence.
Lawrence F-
Lawrence Fells. Lawrence Fings.
Forrest Lawrenceton.
His name is James Jestenthen.
Lawrence Jesterton.
-Lawrence Jamieson? -Yes.
Yes! Yes.
We're like this!
Freddy, this is really very serious.
-France doesn't treat gigolos lightly. -What do you mean?
Until 75 years ago, they castrated them.
Don't say that word.
What do they do now?
That depends on who the judge is.
Reynoux.
Judge Reynoux.
-Good luck. -You can't go. You've got to help me.
Do you have any money?
I got twelve- Nine hundred dollars.
-I know this chap. He'll want $5000. -I don't have $5000!
-But can you get it? -I have it at home.
I could fly home and mail him a check.
He says you can go.
He must have the money in 48 hours...
...or he'll submit your name to Interpol.
-You can't ever travel in Europe again. -That's fine. Thank you!
I'm good at sizing people up, and I think you're one terrific guy.
I suppose I get pleasure from helping people out.
I see you know His Highness.
Who?
-The prince. -The prince?
I saw him shake your hand and pat you on the back.
No kidding?
And you are?
Fanny Eubanks.
Fanny Eubanks, of Omaha?
Of Omaha?
You don't have to cover up.
It may be my money that's financing your mission.
You're financing my mission?
Perhaps His Highness mentioned me?
Oh, Lady Fanny of Omaha.
He called me Lady Fanny?
Yes. Lady Fanny of Omaha. He speaks of you with affection.
-A drink, sir? -Thank you.
You have done a wonderful thing.
Sir?
I'm very sorry, sir...
...but the man said it was urgent.
-What man? -The courier. He's waiting outside.
He said you would recognize the secret password.
-What secret password? -Lady Fanny of Omaha.
Take this to the guest bedroom and see it's neatly pressed.
Go ahead, Arthur.
Wow!
All I can say is, "Wow!"
And I was telling you how to take women!
All right.
How much do you want?
Your Highness, I don't want money...
...from a man who needs every penny to free his enslaved people.
What do you want?
This! This!
I want this!
This is what I want.
I don't want money. I want you to teach me.
You can't be serious.
-Larry- -Lawrence.
I always wanted to be the best...
...and I thought I was, until I met you.
I never knew how far you could go with this scamming thing!
This "scamming thing," as you put it, took me years to perfect.
I got time.
Why should I help you?
A guy with my mouth could ruin business for you.
What sort of education did you have?
High school diploma.
And you majored in...?
Metal shop.
All right, I'll do it.
I'll teach you and pay you a percentage.
-Great! -With this one understanding.
-I run this operation. You do as I say. -Great!
Classes begin after lunch.
I have a plan for this Jackal.
A man owes me a favor. Rene the Knife.
He is a master with the stiletto and a magician at hiding a body.
As police inspector, I give you my word...
...the case will be investigated in a slipshod manner.
-Stop worrying. -It's a mistake to take him in.
I am taking him in gracefully...
...in order to get him out gracefully.
Well done.
-I look great. I know the moves! -You're ready.
Remember our agreement. You do exactly as I say.
Exactly as you say.
I feel like a kept man.
I'm sorry.
I'm telling Andre to tear up the check.
You can't. I paid the 100,000 francs in cash.
Damn.
Please don't be mad.
He wouldn't let you leave unless I paid your loan.
What else did he say?
How you needed the money for your country to fight communists.
It's just such a noble cause.
Please don't be angry with me.
Pretty please.
Here comes a creep man. There's that smile!
Daddy says we'll have the biggest wedding Tulsa's ever seen.
When can we fly back?
Perhaps we should go by ship.
Ruprecht loves the water.
Ruprecht?
Yes, Ruprecht.
Didn't I tell you about him?
Ruprecht is my brother.
-You have a brother? -Yes, the young prince.
You mean I'm going home with two princes?
Wherever I go, Ruprecht goes too.
When do I meet him?
He's in his room as we speak.
-Would you like to meet him? -I would love to.
-What's he doing out here? -His quarters are here.
I should warn you that Ruprecht is, well...
...special.
Ruprecht, it is I, your brother.
No sudden moves.
You've been banging your pots again.
I told you...
...if you keep doing it, you won't have any pots left.
All right.
Cuddly-cuddly.
Don't do that.
Stop it, Ruprecht.
He's very affectionate.
Come along.
Now, I want you to meet this nice lady.
Mother?
-This isn't your mother. -Not Mother?
But I have wonderful news.
Miss Trumble and I are going to be married.
We're going to live in Oklahoma.
Really?
Oh, dear.
We have a guest. What do we do for guests?
What did we do when Uncle Ted was here?
No, Ruprecht.
No...
...after that.
We apologize.
You want the genital cuff?
Don't worry. We won't go anywhere without you.
Oklahoma!
He'll enjoy Oklahoma's wide-open spaces.
He loves to run and run and run.
-Not Mother? -No, Ruprecht...
...she's not our mother.
Go on, Diana. You were saying?
I think the-
-May I take your trident, sir? -Yes.
You were saying the poor shouldn't be allowed in museums.
-I think that... -Don't take the cork off the fork.
-Why the cork? -To prevent him hurting himself...
...and others.
Eat your applesauce.
We have wonderful news.
Diana and I...
...are going to be married.
We're going to live in Palm Beach.
Eat your food.
Excuse me. May I go to the bathroom first?
Of course.
Thank you.
Driving relaxes Ruprecht.
Lawrence, this is the happiest day of my life!
I think my testicles are dropping.
It's been a very good month, chaps.
We've got 20% for the overhead.
-For you, Arthur, it's 10%. -Thank you, sir.
15% for you, Andre.
-Nice work. -And the rest is for me.
-Au revoir, Lawrence. -Au revoir, Andre.
Excuse me. What about me? What do I get?
You are the student. You get knowledge.
I did most of the work. I should get my share.
I can't give it to you without being sure...
...that you spend it wisely, on beauty and culture.
I've got culture coming out of my ass.
Spending money is a responsibility.
All right, how am I supposed to spend my money?
Now, all these wines are very old.
I bought them to make sure they were cared for properly.
-You got a lot of wine to drink. -They're too valuable to drink.
-So you sell them? -Never, they mean too much to me.
In Europe, gardens take centuries to grow and cultivate.
This one was dying...
...until Mrs. Everson's brooch paid for its upkeep.
What's the angle?
There is no angle.
I rescued this from destruction...
...and donated it to the museum.
Just looking at it feeds my soul.
-May I say something here? -Of course.
Are you kidding me or what?
I don't get it!
You want me to spend money on wine you can't drink...
...on a garden that looks like a mowing headache.
That's a sculpture of a naked woman and I appreciate that.
But otherwise, you have got to be joking.
You agreed to do as I say.
But not to spending my money...
...or to playing Ruprecht the Monkey Boy.
I'm going it alone.
You have so much to learn.
No, thanks. I was doing great with my own look.
I don't need these clothes or your instructions.
You taught me what you know. Great. Thanks a yahoo.
I'm getting out of this town.
Good luck.
He's tucked his tail between his legs and crawled away.
Good, then it is business as usual.
-Au revoir, Lawrence. -Au revoir, Andre.
Oh, miss?
Where can I find the Wall Street Journal?
I want to see how my takeover bid is going.
It's so hard to get the stock prices here.
What are you doing here?
That's a funny story.
I'm at the train station, ticket in hand.
I said to myself, "Why am I leaving? I love me here. "
I'll be around a little more. Lucky you.
There isn't enough room for both of us in Beaumont sur Mer.
You know, I think you're scared.
-Of what? -Me.
You've been top dog so long, you think you own the place.
I'm not afraid of you.
You should be. I'm younger than you, better-looking than you...
...I'm thinner than you.
I can kick you out in a New York minute.
And I could have you arrested again.
And I could call Lady Fanny of Omaha.
Freddy, as a younger man...
...I was a sculptor, a painter and a musician.
There was just one problem:
I wasn't very good.
As a matter of fact, I was dreadful.
I came to the frustrating conclusion...
...that I had taste and style, but not talent.
I knew my limitations.
We all have our limitations, Freddy.
Fortunately, I discovered that taste and style are commodities...
...that people desire.
Freddy, what I'm saying is...
...know your limitations. You are a moron.
You've wanted me out of town ever since I arrived.
I tell you what. We'll make a bet. If I lose, I'll leave.
If I win, you leave.
All right, Freddy, suppose we try this.
We find a woman, set a price...
...and the first man to extract the correct amount from her wins.
But if you-
But if you lose...
...you not only leave town graciously...
...you promise never to come back again.
Done. Who's the woman?
-Charles. -Yes, monsieur.
-Who is that? -Miss Janet Colgate.
Who is she?
I believe she is the United States Soap Queen.
Thank you.
Okay, how much?
She's a little young.
Out of your league?
-I'll make it easy for you. $50,000. -$50,000?
Out of your league?
All right. I could use $50,000.
First one to get 50,000 out of her.
May the best man win.
Thank you.
She is at the roulette table.
Just waiting for Your Highness.
And Freddy?
He has dropped from sight.
Perhaps the Jackal realizes he is no match for the Lion.
Keep your eyes open, Andre. He'll turn up.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Sorry, ma'am. Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
Pardon me.
Hi.
Thank you.
Sorry.
Excuse me.
Thank you.
Pardon me, miss. Will you place a bet for me?
It's difficult for me to reach the table.
Sure. What number would you like?
The way my luck's been running...
Would you pick a number for me?
I could use all the luck I can get.
Will you ask him if he could advance me a few dollars on this?
I'm sorry, I cannot, monsieur.
That's fine. Thank you.
Excuse me.
Monsieur wins again.
Listen, maybe I can help you.
-That was my last chance. -Last chance for what?
My last chance for an operation.
Shouldn't the Navy pay for your operation?
It's not for me.
It's for my grandmother.
I just heard from the hospital that she's in bad shape...
...and if they don't operate soon, she might...
I'm sorry. I don't know you and I'm bothering you with my problems.
Please don't feel that way.
Just tell me what they are.
Just one stroke of bad luck after another.
Andre, come with me.
10,000 francs!
That's almost $2000.
I don't know how to thank you.
But I want you to know...
...that you've saved the life of a wonderful person.
You are a wonderful person. Thank you.
You're welcome.
Would an operation help you?
No. My problem isn't physical.
-It's emotional. -Really?
I'm on six weeks' MTL.
Mental Trauma Leave.
What happened?
I was engaged to a girl back in the States.
We loved to dance.
We wanted to be professionals. Isn't that silly?
We got an opportunity...
...to perform on TV, on Dance USA.
We decided that if we won, we'd get married.
So, we went on...
...and we danced, and we won.
Great!
In the excitement...
...we got separated.
So I went back to the studio.
And there they were.
Naked.
Dancing.
Then they stopped.
And they made love right on the dance floor.
Who was she with?
Danny Terrio, the host of Dance USA.
I'm sorry.
In the morning, I woke up...
...and my legs were useless.
Numb.
Oh, my God.
-I couldn't walk. -Oh, my God!
Surely someone can help you.
Yeah...
-There is, but- -What?
There's this psychiatrist, Dr. Emil Schuffhausen...
...in Liechtenstein.
Why don't you go to him?
Schuffhausen is in demand all over the world.
He gets astronomical fees.
It's just not something I can handle.
What do you mean, astronomical?
$50,000.
That is a lot of money.
Are you okay?
Oh, God.
They're dancing.
They're dancing!
We're going up to my room to write to Dr. Schuffhausen.
Oh, God! They're dancing!
Take me from this place!
I wish you hadn't written these things.
-I sound like a hero. -They're true, aren't they?
Yes.
Still, where am I gonna get $50,000?
Leave that to me. When the time comes, you'll have it.
I'm going to mail this letter. I'll be back.
Janet...
Thank you.
Number one! Number one! Number one!